Thursday, March 29, 2012

Yoga Pants

Many people that know me may think that I have a problem with yoga pants.  That is not true.  I think yoga pants are a great invention and have their uses.  My problem is the misuse of yoga pants.  I think many people have missed the first word in their name.  They are not just "pants".  Pants are garments that can be worn anywhere for most any occasion.  When you add the word "yoga" to the name, they suddenly have a purpose.  When you do not put yoga pants to their intended use, you upset the natural order of things and upset the clothing gods.

Mostly though, when you where your yoga pants shopping or to the movies you make make people's eyes water and their stomachs churn.  Let's face it, most people that wear yoga pants have never and will never set foot into a yoga studio (or a gym for that matter).  Yoga pants have a disturbing design element that allows others to see every little bit of your bottom half.  The general public does not need to be able to count the dimples on your thighs, tell that your underwear are crawling up your ass, or be able to read your lips.  This is what happens when you wear yoga pants when you don't do yoga.  Granted, there is the 1% of the female population that men can really get behind wearing yoga pants full time,  However, it's the other 99% that really make it not worth it for us.

Do you think this fine specimen can do the downward dog?
Finally, there is the issue of wearing what is essentially long underwear in public.  In my opinion, wearing yoga pants in public is the same as wearing your sleep pants to the grocery store.  Where has that sense of propriety gone that people can't even be bothered to put on a proper pair of pants when they leave the house?

So, there you have it.  Everyone now knows my views on yoga pants.  I'm sure your lives have all been enriched for the experience.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well, Spring Break has finally arrived.  After a very stressful and tiring second term it's time to sit back and relax a bit.  Jen has flown down to Vancouver Island to see her parents and she didn't even leave me a Honey Do List.  I know there is an unspoken one, so I will get a few things done this week, but it will be generously interspersed with happiness inducing activities.  In order to better reach my goal of relaxed bliss, I thought I'd make a list of things I'd like to do with my two weeks irresponsibility.

1.  Blog some.  Check this one off the list as evidenced by this post you are reading.

2.  Read a couple of books.  I have not read as much as I'm used to the past few months.  I just bought the last two books in the Hunger Games trilogy and I think I'll try and finish those.

3.  Play with my camera.  I spent my hard earned money on an expensive camera and haven't taken the time to learn how to use it properly.  I've done some research and it seems there is no replacement for actually fooling around with the darned thing.  When will cybernetic implants become a reality?

4.  Get some exercise.  I've been to the track the last two days, so I'm off to a good start.

5.  Build some models and paint them.  I have a massive pile of unbuilt and unpainted models.  I really want to spend some more money on plastic crack, but I've promised myself not to until I've made a significant dent in my to do pile.  So far, the going is slow and the playoffs are coming.  I need to make hay over the next couple of weeks.

This doesn't look like a hard list to get through, so I think I might have myself a good break and be primed to learn some kids for the last three months of the year.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Disembodied Voices

As I may have mentioned in an earlier post, I got the Center Ice package this year.  This has definitely not been a good decision from a productivity sense.  However, I have enjoyed watching my beloved 'Hawks play (aside from a few lengthy losing streaks). 

I have also had the opportunity to watch a lot of games on different networks and therefore hear a lot of different play-by-play announcers.  One thing I have noticed is a distinct difference in the styles of Canadian and American announcers.  Canadians announce the play that is happening on the ice  with a small amount of commentary, leaving that to the colour  man.  Americans tend to spend part of their time announcing the play on the ice, but a majority tends to be about general interest.  They talk about what the teams have done over the past few games, the players in general or even people who might be in the stands.  The thing that drives me wild is when they talk about things that have only the most tenuous connection to the game or even to hockey itself.  I have heard the announcer talk about the players parents, their car, their pets, their home towns.  I have heard them talk about where they ate the night before, where good places to eat in town are or even friends they have in town.

I try to be unbiased, but I really prefer the Canadian style.  Now, maybe that is because that is what I grew up with and I am used to.  I think that people who want to hear some general interest stories will watch 20/20 or listen to NPR.  Give me my hockey!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Funny Man

Jen and I drove to Dawson Creek (about 45 minutes away) last night to see Jeff Foxworthy.  Just before we left Jen checked the weather and there at the top of the web page was the dreaded red bar that declared there was a snowfall warning.  I had been saying earlier in the day that we needed one next week so we could get a snow day.  When I had to do some driving, I was less than impressed to get my wish.

Anyway, we went anyway because the tickets were expensive.  Well, it was totally worth it.  The man is still quite funny after all these years.  We were pleasantly surprised that he's moved past the whole "You might be a redneck if..." jokes.  His routine is still based on silly rednecks, but it was very interesting.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  We both laughed all night long.  Equally funny as Mr. Foxworthy was the fact that the majority of the people laughing at his jokes didn't really realize he was talking about people just like them.  I had personally witnessed some of the things that the jokes were about.

The drive home was not as much fun.  we came out to find giant flakes of snow falling at an alarming rate.  It was the wet, slick snow as opposed to the dry, fluffy stuff we usually get.  The road was really busy as half of the people at the arena were from Fort St. John.  For the most part, the other drivers were well behaved which is unusual for up here and we made it home much later than usual, but in one piece.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Fat Guy in the Shorts

I know it's not a phenomenon that is limited to Fort St. John, but it is one that stands out more up here.  I'm talking about the fat dork that is wearing cargo shorts in January.  Yes, in January.  It is routinely well below -20 Celsius at that time of year.  It was warmer today, but I saw one of those fat fools on the street on the way home.  I'm curious what they think they are proving.  Are they proving how manly they are?  Is it how hardy and tough they are?  Regardless, what they are proving is how empty their skulls are.  Shorts are intended to keep us cool when it is hot.  Ergo, when it's not hot, there is no real need for shorts.

I also wonder how they are not freezing.  My wife says that the layers of fat insulate them, just like Beluga whales.  The theory has promise.

Regardless of their reasons, or how it physically works, these guys (they're always guys) are swimming at the bottom of the gene pool and they are only proving to potential mates that they do not have the most basic of survival instincts.  This will drive off females just as surely as a third eye in the middle of your forehead or farts during dinner.  These guys also show off the worst cankles.  I don't like seeing them on women and I like seeing hairy cankles even less.

I think we can all agree, that the fat guy in shorts during the winter is a sight we could all do without.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Pleasantly Surprised

I haven't posted in a while because I'm all about angry right now.  I'm angry at my government for giving me the shaft.  I'm angry at my union for giving me the shaft at the same time it's telling me that it's on my side.  I'm angry at big oil because gas prices keep going up and I have to drive to work.  I'm angry at my tea because it's too hot.  Well, you get the idea.  Nobody wants to read about that crap.

I have something different to write about tonight though.  Jen and I were given free tickets to a show by a group called the Arrogant Worms.  I had sort of heard of them and Jen thought they were a children's act with puppets on their hands.  That may have just been a crack induced hallucination though.  It turns out that they are a sort of comedy music group.  I listened to a few of their songs online first and was kind of unsure how this whole thing was going to go.

Not much happens in The John, so we decided to make it a date night.  We went out for dinner before going to the show.  Dinner was good despite being beside the patio door.  How is that a problem you say?  Well, that is the door the smokers use to go out on the patio and smoke under the special heater mounted on the wall for them.  No kidding!  The pub has installed a special heater for the smokers to stand next to so they can get cancer in comfort.  Did I mention that Fort St. Johnians/Johnsonites smoke like it's a friggin cure for cancer?  Anyway, this special heater was installed a very special five feet from the door the stinky bastards use to come and go.   So, that wasn't great.

Anyway, I digress.  The show turned out to be very funny and very enjoyable.  All of the guys in the group were quite funny and the songs were made much funnier by their actions and expressions while performing.  I'm not sure I'd enjoy their music by itself, but they were very good live.  We both had a good time and had smiles on our faces for the whole time.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I Walk the Line

So, today was the first day of the teachers' mini-strike.  This is my first experience as a unionized worker and thus on strike.  I got my first taste of the picket demonstration line today.  The LRB ruling said that we were not allowed to picket, so we were demonstrating instead.  What's the difference you ask?  A demonstration doesn't block access to the employers work site. 

Here are a few thoughts from my first day of picketing demonstrating:

1.  While demonstrating may seem like a great idea to the 80% of the membership that lives in the more temperate Lower Mainland, it sucks in the north.  There was a -24 degrees C windchill today and we had to walk the line for 2 hours.  It was 7 degrees with light rain in the south.

2.  Picketing/demonstrating is very boring.  I enjoy walking, but when you don't actually go anywhere, it really sucks the fun out of it.

3.  Most people support our action or are kind enough to politely ignore us as they drive by.

4.  Picket demonstration signs were not designed for high wind environments.  Our signs were made of thick paper and when the wind caught them they acted like a sail.  Sometimes the paper just tore off, and sometimes the sign took a kamikaze dive toward your head or someone unlucky enough to be near you.

5.  Some people are just plain nice.  We had coffee given to us by Patch Java, a local coffee shop.  The girl said they could see us from their windows and we looked cold.

6.  Staying warm takes a lot out of you.  I'm a bit wasted and Jen is down for a nap.  I can't imagine what it would be like if we had to freeze for 4 or 8 ours.

8.  $50 a day in strike pay is just not enough.  Especially when the union will want it back at the end of the month as "union dues".

Tomorrow we get to take our demonstration downtown for part of our shift, so maybe I'll have some more stories to tell.

The Funniest Show Ever

A coworker recommended that we check out the English show "An Idiot Abroad" because she thought we'd think it was funny.  She was wrong. We think it is hilarious.

The premise of the show is that Ricky Gervais and his friend send an insulated Englishman to see the Seven Wonders of the World.  This lucky man's name is Karl Pilkington.  Karl is either a comic genius or he is Homer Simpson in the flesh.  The man is a bumbling fool that is completely baffled by why anyone would call the wonders wonderful.  Example: while on the Great Wall of China he says that you can see it going for miles and miles, but you can see the M6 motorway going for miles and miles too and it serves a purpose.  He figured the Great Wall of China is "alright".

While he is on his trip, Ricky and friends send Karl off on side trips that are mostly designed to cause him discomfort either socially or physically.  Ricky's rationale for these side adventures is simply because he thinks it would be funny.

I cannot recommend this show enough.  Jen and I have been going through a bit of a stressful bit at work over the last couple of weeks and we find nothing better to relieve the stress than to watch an episode or two of Karl being an idiot.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Stuck In The Middle With You


Well, starting on Monday my wife, myself and the teachers of British Columbia will be getting 3 days off without pay.  Legally, it's called a strike.  Since being declared an essential service in 2005, education strikes have been managed by the Labour Relations Board (LRB).  This time around the LRB has told the teachers that they are allowed to strike for three consecutive days and then one day a week.  However, legislation making even our legal strike illegal will have been passed by the end of next week.  So, how did this happen.

On one side we have the British Columbia Teacher's Federation (BCTF).  This is as union that has  been unable to negotiate a contract without job action since 1991.  The union is extremely militant and vociferous in it's dislike of the government.  The BCTF is an angry union.  I have only been in BC for 5 years and but the BCTF has been angry the whole time and from what I hear, they were all born angry.  The union believes that teachers don't get paid enough.  We rank anywhere from 6th to 9th in the nation depending on what side you believe.  However, it is indisputable that BC is one of the most expensive places in Canada to live.  The union also wants more money for smaller classes and more help for special needs kids that seem to be piling up in those classrooms.  The union also wants improvements in other benefits.  Finally, the union won an important court case that declared a law passed by the current government a decade ago unconstitutional for stripping teachers' right to negotiate class size and composition as part of a collective agreement.  The union was pretty sure they should have all of this stuff because it was the right thing to do.

On the other side is the Liberal government.  The Liberals are actually a coalition of right of centre liberals and conservatives.  The rest of the country would not really recognize them as Liberals at all.  The government spent money like a drunken sailor during the "Great Recession" after having lowered taxes by a significant amount in the previous years.  Now the government is crying poor and telling all government employees that they cannot have a raise unless the money is found elsewhere in the contract through concessions.  This is the so called "Net Zero" mandate.  You can already see where this is heading.  The government has also flat-lined the spending on education over the next year resulting in a shortfall for school districts and obviously no money for more help for special kids or smaller classes.  The bottom line is that the Liberals have lowered taxes to a point where they can no longer operate the government at a sufficient level and they have decided that it's the public servants fault.

The two sides negotiated for almost a year and have got nowhere.  NOTHING was agreed upon.  No surprise when one side is adamantly demanding more money and the other side is just as adamantly claiming that there isn't any.  The government came to the table with no money and a list of concessions they would like.  Now, I may be wrong, but I remember from my law school classes that a negotiation happens when you have something to give the other party in exchange for something from them.  The union was unable to get past the no raise or no new money hurdle.

So now the government has decided that a negotiated agreement cannot be reached (there has been no  mediation or arbitration) so they have moved straight to legislation.  The government decided that there would be a mediator appointed by the government and on a narrow scope also decided by the government.  If any teachers decide to strike illegally (it happens every time), the union would be subject to a $1.3 million fine and individual teachers would be fined $475 each day.  A pretty heavy hand.  So, the union has decided to strike even though it will do nothing but cost members 3 days pay and make the public angry.

In short the union has not been pragmatic in just dealing around the net zero (like most other public service unions to this point) and dealing with the rest.  The union may lose a lot more than money as a result of their moral outrage.  Just a note, but Safeway doesn't take moral outrage at the register.  And the government that was elected to protect and represent me has decided to strip my legal rights as a citizen of the province.  I am really disappointed and increasingly angry that MY government and MLA have taken it upon themselves to play the dictator.  You would expect to find this kind of law in a banana republic somewhere, not in Canada.

In short, everyone sucks right now.