The Hunger Game

I've been on the Weight Watchers (WW) program for just over a week.  I joined because Jen was on the program and I thought it would make it easier if we were both on the same page.  Its tough to not eat certain foods when the person beside you is chowing down.  Second, I put on a bit of weight over the summer and could use to lose the chub.  Besides, my Mother-in-law has had tremendous success on the program.

I thought that WW would be a breeze.  I mean, their advertisements say how you can eat all of your favourite foods and have a wonderful life.  They lie.  Don't get me wrong.  If you love eating carrots and celery and your favourite drink is water, you can eat yourself retarded.  However, if you like...well, real food, then not so much.  The way the program works is that you get a certain number of points for food each day.  Everything but fruits, vegetables and water has a points cost.  Your goal is to end the day without going over your points limit.  You do get a pool of points to be used throughout the week on splurges or when you want to feel full some day.  You can also earn more points by exercising.

What I have learned during my first week on WW:

1.  WW hates anything with a carb in it.  I spend a quarter of  my daily points on oatmeal (not the instant kind) and a glass of skim milk in the morning.  Forget having a piece of toast.  That's just crazy talk.

2.  You must like chicken.  Any other kind of meat will send you over the deep end.  I used almost half of my daily points on a pork chop the other day. Come on! I have to exercise for two hours to eat a pork chop?  No more of those in my life.

3.  It doesn't matter how many carrots, apples or celery sticks you eat, they don't keep you full.  If somebody tells you different, kick them in the shins and stuff some broccoli in their gaping pie hole.  I am generally hungry every hour.  I mean hungry.  Like I will start gnawing on the bark of a nearby tree kind of hunger. 

4.  I am a miserable S.O.B. when I'm hungry all of the time.  Sorry Jen.

In short, I'm on the third world diet.  I'm stuck eating roots and berries and water with no bread to be found.  I don't want to eat the family goat because I'll starve the rest of the week.  I can't believe that I'm paying to give up the first world diet that my ancestors worked so hard to let me enjoy.

 

Flatutastic

An interesting side effect of my WW experience is that I am eating ridiculous amounts of fruits and vegetables.  As you may or may not know, these are very high in fibre.  This has made me more gassy than the Hindenburg.  I sound like a bloody motor boat walking around the house.  I may actually feel sorry for my little darlings at school this year.  You know, I'm not above blaming the little ones for dropped bombs in the classroom if someone smells it.

I'll try and give periodic reports on my standing in the Hunger Game.  So far, I'm losing badly and someone is likely to pick me off in my weakened condition.

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