Whatever Happened to TLC?

I'm old enough to remember way back to the 90's when the first wave of specialty channels were approved by the CRTC for cable.  My personal favourite was The Learning Channel or TLC.  I remember all of the amazing history, science and...well, learning shows that were on that amazing channel.

Then I moved out of the country for a few years and lived without cable for a few more.  Fast forward to 2011.  My wife is now the one who is in love with TLC.  Has anyone seen the rubbish that populates this once proud channel?  The L in TLC, clearly does not stand for learning any more.  TLC is now the I have a biblical amount of kids-midget family-there are dead cats under the piles of garbage in my house-I make cakes while being an Italian-American cliche-COPS with only chicks channel. 

TLC is the worst channel on television.  The amount of garbage on this channel is only matched by that in the houses of the hoarding show on the same channel.  The worst part of the descent of TLC into television hell, is that Jen is totally in love with it.  I kid you not when I say that she will come home on a Friday night and spend 6 hours watching vapid, semi-retarded women shop for wedding dresses, bitchy fashonistas tell dumpy women how they look like crap, and butch police women chase drunks and wife beaters around the urban ghettos of America.  This is her perfect evening.  I spend half an hour watching something that makes my IQ fall to the level of someone with brain damage, then I have to leave the room.  That is when Jen starts to whine that I don't want to sit and watch TV with her.  No amount of explaining can convince her that watching what passes for entertainment on TLC causes me physical pain.

That is why I mourn the death of TLC.

The Cootie Talk

We had to have the "Cootie Talk" in class last week.  I found out that the kids had been checking each others' hair for cooties in the line up to go home.  Most were pronounced clear, but of course there is always that one kid who has to tell someone that their hair is full of cooties.

The cootie talk involved me informing the kiddies that there was no such thing as cooties.  This proclamation was met with some pretty skeptical looks from the crowd.  I pushed on in the face of the chilly reception of my news and explained that if there was no such thing as cooties, then nobody could have them.  As such, I banned any and all cootie checks.

In  addition, while a few of the kids were playing Twister during some free time at the end of the day on Friday, one little girl loudly told me that a boy had got her right in the face with his wiener.  Sometimes, it is really hard to not laugh out loud at those little people.

Big In China

I just finished reading this book last night.  I was browsing through the electronic portion of our public library and found  Big In China on the most popular list.  So, I put a hold on it and waited for a couple of weeks for it to become available. 

The book is by Alan Paul and is about his family's move to Beijing when his wife takes a transfer there.  Paul is a stay at home dad that does freelance writing.  While in China, Paul starts a blues band with some locals and another ex-pat and becomes quite successful not long before it is time to move back to the U.S. 

Paul does a great job of describing the excitement and surrealism of living the ex-pat life.  I enjoyed the book because I could relate to his experiences and feelings.  Although I was in Korea, Asians share many of the same qualities socially and culturally.  I think that readers that haven't lived abroad or even really traveled much would enjoy this book, however.  Paul is a professional writer and his style is very easy to get through.  The book gets serious at times, but in general is a light hearted romp through his 3 years in China.

I give this book a thumbs up.

P.S.  I just read that this book is being made into a movie and Ivan Reitman has been asked to direct.

C'mon Man!

April 11th?

I had the distinct displeasure of waking up this morning and seeing a winter wonderland out my front window.  Now, if it were December, that would be cool.  But it is almost the middle of April.  The couple of feet of snow still on the ground and the mountains of it along the road were not enough, nature had to add a kick to groin.

We got 3-4" of heavy wet snow.  This made driving very hazardous and my mood sour.  Just so you know.

Winter sucks!

Motivational Meltdown

So I noticed that I haven't blogged since the end of March.  That is not good.  I'm not sure exactly what happened, but over the holidays and into the first week of school I experienced a distinct lack of motivation to do much of anything.  I guess blogging wasn't any different.  I thought of many things that I could write about, but just couldn't manage to muster that little burst of energy required to take something from idea to action.

Well, I'm here to tell you now that the doldrums are over.  I'm back and better than ever (since it would be hard to be any worse).

This past weekend, Jen and I went to the local trade show.  The trade show is a very big deal in this town.  For this to make any sense, one must remember that we are in the middle of nowhere and nobody of note comes here and not much happens of any interest.  The events that are held are usually at such an exorbitant cost, that the average Joe can't afford to go anyway.  The Trade Show was talked about on the radio (which sponsors it) and in the local papers and by many residents for weeks prior.

Finally, the date had arrived and the show was here!  We got a tip from a co-worker that we should go on the Friday night because it was not as busy as the rest of the weekend.  Let me tell you that it was still pretty busy.  The trade show is held in the new Pomeroy Sports Centre.  The ice is removed from the rinks on the main floor and the speed skating oval on the second and the show takes up most of that space.  As  you may have guessed, the trade show consists of booths run by most local businesses and some that probably make a living of going around to these shows.  This was the only place I have ever been where I could buy a super duper food chopper and walk three feet and buy a tractor then walk another three feet and buy some mini donuts.  There was a little bit of everything at the show.

Sometimes I think we live in Saskatchewan.

We saw lots of booths, mostly full of crap in my humble opinion.  We also ran into quite a few people we know.  It still takes me off guard when someone calls out to us.  For the first three years in the area we were non-entities and now we actually run into people who know us (and will acknowledge the fact).

Sadly, the Trade Show is the most exciting thing that has happened for quite some time.

Oooh! Some furniture for the rumpus room!

I Just Got Sucker Punched

Jen and I just got back from the movies.  We went to see Sucker Punch.  I thought it looked like an imaginative, visually interesting movie.  Jen decided to go with me, even though it didn't look like her usual type of movie.  Well, we got sucker punched in our wallet.  We paid $10.75 each to see the movie and that was about $10 too much for this one.

The movie was done in the gray, dark look of the movies 300 and Watchmen (which were directed by the same person).  The movie starts with the death of the protagonist's mother which leaves her nasty step-dad in charge of her and her sister.  Dad is ticked because the daughters inherit everything and decides to molest the younger daughter (sounds logical, right?).  The protagonist (Baby Doll) goes and tries to shoot dad and ends up killing her sister.  Dad decides to take care of his problem by dropping the remaining daughter off at a mental institution.  The institution is run by a crooked dude that takes money to keep women in the place indefinitely.

In short, Baby Doll teams up with some other hot babes in the nut house to plan an escape.  The tools for the escape are all collected while Baby Doll distracts everyone with her amazing dancing (which you never get to see).  While she dances, she becomes some fantasy ninja/commando/burlesque bad ass in her head.

I have to say that this movie scored a 9.5 on the weird shit-o-meter.  The story, as you can see is messed up.  The visuals are pretty interesting, but really, who thinks up clockwork, zombie Nazies.  The movie left both of us slightly disturbed and Jen felt a little depressed.

I would really recommend giving this movie a pass.  Of course, if you have two hours that you really want to kill and there isn't a hammer around to smash into your forehead instead, you  might want to check it out.  You know a movie is bad, if five hot chicks in stockings and panties can't save it.

Calcutta of the North

 We decided to make the two hour trek to Grande Prairie, Alberta to do some shopping.  Grande Prairie is the closest city of any size and if you want to buy anything that is not available at Wal-Mart, then you have to go to GP.

While driving I was reminded of what an adventure driving up here can be.  I have driven in most of the major cities in Canada and have ridden buses in China and Korea (both notorious for their bad drivers).  I must say that the driving habits of the average driver in the Peace Region is the worst I have witnessed.  Drivers up here are a menace to themselves and everyone else on the road.  Selfishness is mostly to blame. 

The road between FSJ and GP is mostly a two lane highway and people do not like to wait for an appropriate place to pass.  I normally have to hit the brakes and/or pull onto the shoulder to avoid a head-on collision by a vehicle passing on a hill, over double yellow lines or where there is not enough space.

I remember reading an article in the local paper that said the accident rate in this area was about the same as many third world countries.  We pay the same premium as those in Vancouver, even though we live in a small town.

For a two hour drive, it is the most tiring I have ever done.  You have to be on you toes all of the time.  You are never sure if some slack jawed mouth breather in a giant pick-up truck is going to decide that you will get out of the way because he is in a big rush to get home and make is Kraft dinner.