Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Just Got Sucker Punched

Jen and I just got back from the movies.  We went to see Sucker Punch.  I thought it looked like an imaginative, visually interesting movie.  Jen decided to go with me, even though it didn't look like her usual type of movie.  Well, we got sucker punched in our wallet.  We paid $10.75 each to see the movie and that was about $10 too much for this one.

The movie was done in the gray, dark look of the movies 300 and Watchmen (which were directed by the same person).  The movie starts with the death of the protagonist's mother which leaves her nasty step-dad in charge of her and her sister.  Dad is ticked because the daughters inherit everything and decides to molest the younger daughter (sounds logical, right?).  The protagonist (Baby Doll) goes and tries to shoot dad and ends up killing her sister.  Dad decides to take care of his problem by dropping the remaining daughter off at a mental institution.  The institution is run by a crooked dude that takes money to keep women in the place indefinitely.

In short, Baby Doll teams up with some other hot babes in the nut house to plan an escape.  The tools for the escape are all collected while Baby Doll distracts everyone with her amazing dancing (which you never get to see).  While she dances, she becomes some fantasy ninja/commando/burlesque bad ass in her head.

I have to say that this movie scored a 9.5 on the weird shit-o-meter.  The story, as you can see is messed up.  The visuals are pretty interesting, but really, who thinks up clockwork, zombie Nazies.  The movie left both of us slightly disturbed and Jen felt a little depressed.

I would really recommend giving this movie a pass.  Of course, if you have two hours that you really want to kill and there isn't a hammer around to smash into your forehead instead, you  might want to check it out.  You know a movie is bad, if five hot chicks in stockings and panties can't save it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Calcutta of the North

 We decided to make the two hour trek to Grande Prairie, Alberta to do some shopping.  Grande Prairie is the closest city of any size and if you want to buy anything that is not available at Wal-Mart, then you have to go to GP.

While driving I was reminded of what an adventure driving up here can be.  I have driven in most of the major cities in Canada and have ridden buses in China and Korea (both notorious for their bad drivers).  I must say that the driving habits of the average driver in the Peace Region is the worst I have witnessed.  Drivers up here are a menace to themselves and everyone else on the road.  Selfishness is mostly to blame. 

The road between FSJ and GP is mostly a two lane highway and people do not like to wait for an appropriate place to pass.  I normally have to hit the brakes and/or pull onto the shoulder to avoid a head-on collision by a vehicle passing on a hill, over double yellow lines or where there is not enough space.

I remember reading an article in the local paper that said the accident rate in this area was about the same as many third world countries.  We pay the same premium as those in Vancouver, even though we live in a small town.

For a two hour drive, it is the most tiring I have ever done.  You have to be on you toes all of the time.  You are never sure if some slack jawed mouth breather in a giant pick-up truck is going to decide that you will get out of the way because he is in a big rush to get home and make is Kraft dinner.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Ice Box

As the temperatures rise outside, they are plummeting in my kingdom.  My kingdom consists of the basement of your house.  I have my windowless man cave in the basement.  The TV is also located in the basement and since Jen really doesn't watch much TV, I claim it as part of my kingdom.

During the winter when the furnace was on almost all the time, my kingdom was usually at a bearable if not comfortable temperature.  However, we have had some sunny days with temperatures around freezing lately.  This means that the upstairs gets nice and toasty warm.  Unfortunately, the thermostat is located in that same toasty region of the house.  That means that the furnace rarely comes on during the day.  My kingdom is suffering from a heat embargo by the upstairs.

On Sunday I was downstairs watching a hockey game and it was a nipply 13.5 degrees.  I had not one, but two fleece blankets pulled up to my chin, which was about where my testicles (testes?) were.  I had the hood on my hoody over my head and I had a very cold nose.  The Hawks won, so it was not in vain, but I have to say that one thinks twice before one makes a move to go downstairs to watch any TV program.

Alas, the solution is a few years away when we can afford to renovate the basement and put some insulation and an electric fireplace down there.  Until then, I'll have to keep the longjohns ready, especially with the playoffs just around the corner.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Wiener Deep

It's March.  Why am I still wiener deep in snow?


Well, the first day of Spring was yesterday.  That is remarkable because of the snow that started yesterday and has not stopped as of the writing of this post which is 7:00 pm the next day.  I have already shoveled the driveway once and I am expecting to do it again tomorrow. 

This is our fourth year up in the Northern Wilds.  There is more snow out there this year than in any previous year that we experienced.  This winter has quite frankly sucked the big banana.  It was bitterly cold for the majority of the winter with only very brief periods of non-extremity threatening cold.  There has been mountains of snow.  The first year I actually have a driveway to shovel, I have shoveled non-stop.  I truly understand the say about rain versus snow, "At least you don't have to shovel it!"  Amen.

There's another foot on there from today's snowfall.
I sit here now looking at the mountains of snow in my yard and wondering how long it will take to melt (assuming it ever gets warm enough to melt).  I wonder at the amount of water that will be produced when all that white nastiness disappears.  I wonder if it will go into the my basement.  I wonder how I will deal with the 6 foot high pile of snow that marks the border of my property and the road.  I think it will be ready to snow again before that behemoth is at a manageable size.

Above all else, I wonder when will spring come?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Rural Hockey Tournament

Every year the rural hockey season ends with a two day tournament in Fort St. John.  This event is a big deal for the kids.  They get to play their games at the Pomeroy Sports Centre and they get prizes.  For the kids that live further out in Prespatou and Buick they often get to stay overnight in a hotel as well.  That is a big deal for a kid from the sticks.

Upper Pine was supposed to have their ski trip yesterday and the school would have been pretty empty.  As such, I requested that our games get played all on Thursday.  This way, our school would not have to pay for a substitute teacher.  I am the only coach that is a teacher, so this seemed like an easy way to solve the problem.  Mother Nature likes to have her fun, however and did so yesterday as well.  The temperature at the hill (and in town) was -19 without the windchill.  It was closer to -30 with the windchill.  Thus the ski trip was canceled.  Luckily, Mrs. Holland, my principal called in a sub for me and I was able to be at the tournament with the kids.  Props to Mrs. Holland.

We played three games yesterday, all about an hour apart.  My team played really hard and had a lot of fun.  Our results were unfortunate.  We scored a total of three goals over three games and we had about 30 goals against.  The scores were not unexpected, but a little sad all the same.

However, nearly every player on my team has shown improvement over the course of the season.  The team has practiced hard throughout the season.  It was gratifying to watch kids that could barely stand on skates at the beginning of the season zip around during the games.  Oh sure, they still wiped out a shockingly consistent basis, but that is too be expected.  Rome wasn't built in a day.

In addition, at the end of the day, nearly every parent came up to me, shook my hand and told me that they appreciated the work I had done and that their kids had a great time.  Most of the kids came and thanked me too!  Often, just knowing your efforts are appreciated is often enough of a reward.

So, that's it for rural hockey until next year.  I'm glad it's done, and I'll probably complain next year when I'm freezing my cheeks off at some outdoor rink, but it was worth it in the end.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Gadget Man


I saved up my pennies and this week and took the plunge and bought a Kobo ereader.  I'm not sure why the urge struck me.  I think it was seeing our overly full book case and the price of new books.  The final straw was not wanting to go down to the library when it was -40 out.

Jen and I give ourselves $100 of money each to spend on whatever we want.  That money usually goes towards our respective hobbies.  However, I have managed to build up a bit of a cache of cash due to my skin flint ways.  So, I got it in my head that I wanted an ereader.

Originally, I had considered saving for an iPad.  After playing with one at Best Buy, I dropped that idea.  Not that the iPad was crap, but that it was too expensive for what it was; a glorified ereader and web browser.  So, I began my quest for an ereader.  I did all of my due diligence by researching what is out there and what is best at what.  It turns out that the Barnes & Noble Nook seems to be the best ereader out there.  Unfortunately, it is a journey through hell to get one into Canada and then get the books for it.  I went for second best and got the Kobo.

The Kobo and it's software are dead easy to learn.  I've got it all synced up and hooked up to the internet and my account so I can buy books anywhere (in the house).

So far, I've only read the operating manual on it because I'm in the middle of an old fashioned paper book that I had previously purchased.  Jen is disgusted that I haven't been reading on it yet, but that will come.  The biggest danger is having my wife take it over.  She already has four books she wants to put on it! 

Now where should I hide it...?