Sunday, May 29, 2011

So, Now I Play Baseball

It seems that I've joined a slow pitch team.  I must admit that baseball is not my favourite sport on the planet, but sitting on my ass all summer is a much worse one.  It turns out my team is made up mostly of teachers.  Well, at least I'll be hanging out with different teachers than the ones I see every day.

I've played in two games and it's been fun, even though I am pretty rusty and kind of stinking up the joint.  Regardless, I have met some new people from town and I have another thing to keep me from becoming the weird old hermit that spends all of his time in his basement with little toy soldiers.

Oh, did I mention there's beer?

Comments

Just a note to anyone who may actually visit this little corner of the internet that I claim as my own.  There is a section for comments.  If you read or see anything that interests you, pleas leave a comment.  Blogs are meant to be interactive and I'd really like to hear from anyone who likes or dislikes what I'm doing.

Kids Say the Strangest Things

This is a page from one of my student's journals.  Just in case you are not fluent in phonetic spelling, here's the translation:

I went to dirt biking in the bush and I ran over a squirrel and I ate it for dinner and my dad shot five more and ate the five more.

I couldn't stop laughing when I read this.  I asked him if it was a true story and he told me that it happened the other day.  I especially like the picture of him on the dirt bike heading for the squirrel.

Let's face it.  My job is fun.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Hockey Deprived

I've been feeling a little hockey deprived lately.

I'm not playing hockey right now as the season is over and none of the arenas in my area seem to keep ice in over the summer for a little summer pickup. This makes me a little sad, but is usually offset by the fact that I can go outside and ride my bike, walk, etc.  However, we've had a lot of rain (especially for our semi-arid climate) lately and that really hasn't happened.

As everyone who knows me will be aware, a little bit of me died when the Blackhawks were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.  A large piece died because it was the Canucks.  However, I had many years of practice watching the NHL Playoffs without my team.  This year though, I have watched less hockey in the playoffs than any time since I returned from Korea six years ago.  The problems are twofold.  First, the Eastern Conference games are on at 4:30 in the afternoon.  By the time I get home from work, I don't have any time to do any of the things that need to get done if I sit down and watch hockey for three plus hours.  Also, these games always seem to take place at a time when I have to be elsewhere or doing something else.  A grand conspiracy I think.

The second problem is that the Canucks are still in the playoffs.  I have tried watching the Canucks games that are on at a more reasonable hour.  Unfortunately, I hate the Canucks at a subatomic level.  Every fibre of my being rebels against watching those things prance around the ice.  Second, the Canucks are maybe the most boring hockey team to watch since the New Jersey Devils of the 90's.  All the Canucks need is a one goal lead to make hockey more boring than golf.  They load up the neutral zone with all five players and dare the other team to get past centre ice.  The Canucks have put hockey back 20 years and the worst part is they may actually with with this formula.  They had only 14 shots in the entire game yesterday.  Seriously.

Wow.  I wish I liked watching baseball.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Zombie Tag

It appears that the kids in my class have been playing a game called Zombie Tag.  Today, I happened to come across them playing and asked what the rules were.  One student starts off as the zombie and chases the other kids around trying to "eat them".  After the zombie has eaten you, you are a zombie too and you chase around kids to eat them.  The winner of the game is the last non-zombie kid standing. 

I have to admit that this sounds like a pretty fun game and it's pretty clever for some 7 and 8 year olds to come up with on their own.

After explaining the rules, one of the little fellows leans in to tell me very seriously that if you want to kill a zombie, it's better to use a bow or crossbow than a gun.  I asked why that was and was told that a gun makes too much noise and would make other zombies come.  This is an interesting theory and reminds me of the zombies in World War Z

As an aside, if you like well written fiction that is as creepy as all get out, you should read World War Z.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I'm A Bad Man

I'm going to hell for laughing so hard at this drunk woman.  I guarantee that I'll have lots of company though.

Bears and Moose Poop

Ever since I started blogging last summer, I have regretted not starting sooner.  When we first moved up here, there were a lot of things that we saw and that happened to us that were completely crazy.  After almost four years though, we have normalized most of the things that we once thought were wacky.  Imagine my excitement yesterday when I experienced a pair of firsts.

I had taken my students outside for gym before lunch.  We ended up at the farthest corner of the school yard.  We were going about our business when I saw a pair of grade 8 students booking it to where we were.  When they finally got there, I asked what was going on.  They told me that the principal wanted us to go inside because a bear had been spotted just up the road.  I looked at my kids and all I could see was 20 little bear treats.  So, I hollered at them to get in line because we were going inside.  Well, they all had to argue.  "I thought you said we had 10 more minutes?"  "Why do we have to go inside?"  "I don't want to go inside."  I told them I'd explain as soon as we were back in class.

We busted it back to the school and I led them inside.  As I opened the door, I turned around and saw that most of my students were hot on my heals.  Of course there were the couple of girls at the back that were having a chat and looking at dandelions and generally lollygagging around.  I hollered at them to get a move on. 

When we were back in class, I told them about the bear.  A few were scared, but most just ran to the window and yelled "where is it?"

My other first was the moose in the front yard the other morning.  Actually, there were two moose and they were in the neighbours yard.  We later found out that they had been in our yard earlier and had eaten Jen's daffodils that were just about to bloom. 

Yep, that's moose pooh.
It turns out that they made a visit again yesterday and this time left a present.  There was a pretty big pile of poop just under our living room window.  It looked like a pile of Malteesers.  I had to shovel it up this morning and that is when it stopped being cool that we have moose in our yard.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Things Seen Cannot Be Unseen

Jen and I had a new experience last night.  We went to the Roller Derby.  That's right, there was a roller derby right here in the John.  The Energetic City Roller Derby Association put on the Rink Rash Bash.  This was their first event and our first roller derby, so we were all trying something new.

There were was a decent crowd there and it only cost $5 per person for admission.  FSJ has a dearth of things to do, so we decided to check it out.  The event had some timing issues.  It started half an hour late and things sort of plodded along from there.  However, they did do a little demonstration at the beginning of the event to explain the basics to the crowd.  This turned out to be very helpful.  Without a primer, it would just have been a bunch of less than ladylike women roller skating around a duct tape track pushing each other and falling down.  Well, actually it was still like that, but at least we knew there were rules and somebody sounded like they knew them.

Roller derby is funny.  It is even funnier when the women doing it can hardly skate.  It gets even funnier than that as they get tired and fall down because it looks like someone is going to run into them.  The first match was full of people that were in various stages of learning to roller skate.  They ran into team mates, opponents, and the floor with disturbing regularity. I must admit that I was laughing at these "ladies" and not really with them.  We watched the whole first match which took a really long time.

When we watched the first couple of jams in the second match we realized that the first match was made up of the advanced class.  The second match was the remedial group.  There were a lot of wobbly skaters and a lot of falling down.  There were also a lot of very large women in very small spandex panties, called Sweetcheeks.  True story, they are called sweet cheeks.  There were many a sweetcheek that was peeking out at the world.  I wish I could unsee some of the things I saw in that second match, but alas, it is physically impossible.  I will have to hope that the wounds in my psyche will heal over given enough time.

Friday, May 6, 2011

People Are Stupid

"A person is smart, people are stupid." - Agent K, Men In Black

Agent K hit the nail on the head.  Recent history is full of examples that prove the veracity of Agent K's statement.

Exhibit A:  George Bush was elected President of the United States of America.

Exhibit B:  After four years of proving that he would qualify for the Special Olympics, George W. Bush       was re-elected as President of the United States of America.

Exhibit C:  The popularity of reality TV.  The only thing real about this genre is that it is really idiotic.

Exhibit D:  A man and his party that consistently dump on the cornerstones of Canadian democracy               through secrecy, lying and fear mongering are elected to a majority in the most recent federal  election.

I wish I could say that I was flabbergasted as I watched the election results pour in and it became quickly evident that the Conservatives would win a majority in the House of Commons.  I guess I just really had hoped that this time Agent K would be proven wrong and that Joe Lunchbucket would see through the miasma of half truths and misdirection that our Dear Leader spewed in place of ideas during the election.

But alas, old Joe was eager to lap up the boogie man of a non-existent conspiracy to form a "coalition", to believe that the bumbling government bureaucracy actually has any control over the economy, and to have selective amnesia regarding certain "irregularities" in information provided to parliament that led to a finding of contempt of parliament.

I must hand it to Harper, that the game was well played.  He knows that people are stupid.